I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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