Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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