I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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