p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
