there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
