I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
