Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
