You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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