Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
