Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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