you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
