i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
