Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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