I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
