You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
