I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
