Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Why does Jon Cryer have a career?

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

That is a good question.

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(443): View more from Maryland

i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.

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(714): View more from California

He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.

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(956): View more from Texas

He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...

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(813): View more from Florida

obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.

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(813): View more from Florida

I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM

(403): View more from Alberta, CA

BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?

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