So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
