And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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