Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
