hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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