I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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