So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
