If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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