College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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