farters have to be the big spoon...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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