my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We have so much sex to catch up on
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
