I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
