So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
