And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
