You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
