they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
