Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm like, not good at living.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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