do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize