Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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