he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
