OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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