i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
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You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize