You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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