I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I could fuck to npr.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
