Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My feet surprised me
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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