I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
