just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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