i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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