My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The power of my boobs compel you
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
