He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
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Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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