he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
