i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
