Got a toothbrush?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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