I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
