Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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