I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
there is glitter all over my balls
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