she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
