:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
