Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
3pm strippers are depressing
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
