the condom got lost in my hair
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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