just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
