you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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