Swine flu. Run for my life!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
