we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
