So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
