I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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