i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
