the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
