i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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